Social Web Ushers in “The Era of Alone”

Oct 15 2009

Social Web Ushers in “The Era of Alone”

To a large extent, civilization has been defined by the way it communicates and the tectonic plates of of our culture have shifted. Permanently. The social web has ushered in the ”Era of Alone.”

You can witness this transformational power of communication in almost any history book.

Look at a map of Europe. Ever wonder why all the countries are approximately the same size? It was largely determined by how much territory a messenger could cover on horseback in two days. Even the vast empires of the past were divided into states that approximated this size. You could not possibly control a territory larger than a two-day ride from the center point. Communication determined kingdoms.

Communication also defined our social structures. Even the smallest Medieval village had a town square where people could meet, trade and socialize. Gathering each evening to meet was the only communication channel we had for centuries. The entire city was built around that center of communication.

With radio, for the first time, we could get immediate news and entertainment without stepping outside. The TV became the centerpiece of the home, a place where families gathered each evening to watch a flickering screen. That innovation, combined with the automobile, ended the need for city squares, but it was still a “social” communication channel – you could do it with your family and friends. In fact, it was better that way.

Today, seemingly every person under 40 is wired to a portable electronic communicator to provide news and entertainment how we want it, where we want it, when we want it. It’s called the Internet and social media, but there isn’t much truly “social” about it. We don’t gather in a city center to share Facebook. We don’t sit around a fireplace and read tweets to one another.

For the first time in history, daily communication and entertainment can be a solitary event. I’ve observed hordes of teenagers hunched over cell phones, frantically texting one another … even when they are surrounded by friends! Isn’t it ironic these new tools actively, incessantly pull us away from live human interaction, and yet we call it “social” media?

The basic premise of the popular “World is Flat” book is that people and place don’t matter any more. We can be employed, connected, global citizens and never step outside. If we do, it’s to the coffee shop for WiFi rather than camaraderie.

How strange and sad. You and I never have to meet or speak or touch one another. We can be completely informed, entertained and connected individuals, while sitting alone in a small dark room. Civilization is still defined by how we communicate. Welcome to the Era of Alone.

I’ve learned that when I spew deep thoughts like this nobody reads it, so congratulations, and thank you, if you’ve made it this far. : ) I appreciate your indulgence and would value your comments!

This is the Fourth and final segment of a series on “Self and Social Media.”

Part 1: The Next Social Media Imperative: Defining YOU!

Part 2: Do You Have What it Takes to Kick Social Media Ass?

Part 3: Social Media Expert: Women Need Not Apply?

Tags: social media, sociology, work/life balance

Filed in futurist, social media, sociology | markschaefer

19 Comments

By Gordie Rogers, October 15, 2009 @ 5:58 am

I still prefer face to face over digital communication. It just feels the best to me. I think it helps to be in physical proximity to someone. Also, being able to see someone’s body language helps communication and understanding too.
By Gregg Morris, October 15, 2009 @ 7:52 am

I find the scenario that you paint exhilarating. (I know, I’m just sorta’ funny that way.) Take the “alone” feeling out of play for a moment. How exciting that we live in an age where we can forge relationships electronically. Anywhere in the world. With people we would never have had the chance to meet otherwise.

How wonderful that we are able to communicate, via text message or other mechanism, with people we aren’t able to be with physically when we feel the need to share and talk.

Didn’t you say in a post just a short while ago how lucky you have been to meet so many people via “social media”? Wasn’t your bride one of those? Aren’t we going to get together sometime and hike and dine and all of that good stuff? Would that have come to pass in the world that pre-dated the “era of alone”?

“Alone” just might be a great thing, because it enables us to take that much more enjoyment in the act of coming together face to face, to talk, to laugh, to cry, to share.

Maybe it’s the era of “Alone, Together.”
By Gregg Morris, October 15, 2009 @ 8:02 am

Just saw this in Today’s WaPo.

No Friends of Facebook’s, in a Generation That Is http://j.mp/1rvcD2
By Mark, October 15, 2009 @ 8:41 am

@Gregg — You freaking rock. What a lovely and appropriate counter-point! And the content and timing of the Post article is pretty wild. Thanks for the contribution!
By Lisa Foote, October 15, 2009 @ 8:42 am

I energetically disagree. I have made more connections (IRL as well as electronically) on the web than I made without it. What’s interesting to me is that real relationships develop over the web, with an “IRL” meeting a (nice) punctuation well into the relationship (vs IRL as the start point).

And about those teens… they’re together AND tethered electronically, simultaneously. When you observe them “ignoring” one another, I believe they’re actually “together” in a mode you and I don’t recognize or understand as more, um, mature folks.

Another interesting topic for conversation is when the heck one *can* carve out true “alone” time for reflection. I’m also awaiting a weekly, modern Untether Day when it becomes traditional to put down the always-on devices and focus on those in physical proximity.

Off to a meeting, but interested in more conversation on this topic
By Michael Selissen, October 15, 2009 @ 9:15 am

Time for a little pick-me-up?
http://bit.ly/3HDia8
By Mark, October 15, 2009 @ 9:26 am

@ Lisa — nice points, especially about the “untethering” I slip in a digiatl de-tox day every now and then but I’ve also observed that the more you get into social media, the more difficult it is to get away too, especially with a blog.

@Michael — well done!
By Nitin Gupta, October 15, 2009 @ 10:01 am

Mark,

I love the way you keep coming with these thought provoking posts.

I have used Social Media to connect with long lost friends- people I had not seen or met in YEARS. Now, whenever I am traveling, I send a status update about my travel schedule on Twitter and FB so that I can cement those relationships with offline interaction. On my recent trip to India, I was able to meet far more people than I have ever met (thanks to facebook).

Through FB, I know a lot more about what friends and family are doing than would have been possible otherwise. Now you may think it is sad that we are not picking up the phone and calling each other to share about how our day went? Not necessarily. Though a phone call feels more “personal”, it is not possible to share what you do with so many people over phone.

You need to balance both the mediums
- FB, Twitter etc for keeping in touch with community at large
- Phone, F2F for developing the close relationships
By Jamie Lee Wallace, October 15, 2009 @ 10:19 am

Mark – It’s all about balance. I’m a Libra, I should know. ;)

Like Gregg, I feel exhilerated to the point of giddiness when I contemplate the possibilities the social Web offers. The opportunities to meet new people, share ideas, and collaborate on projects is, quite literally, staggering. The mind reels. From a business perspective, it opens up a whole new – and much larger – market. From a personal perspective, it gives you the chance to meet more like-minded people than you would if constrained by geographic location.

I do agree, however, that power users run the risk of missing out on “the moment” … as in living in it. As the mom of a Kindergartner and girlfriend of an intentionally unplugged beau, I’m acutely aware of how my SM habits affect the people around me. Little red flags go up the moment I reach for the laptop or iPhone – my daughter and boyfriend suddenly feel like they are on the outside of something … removed from me, somehow.

Though I agree with Lisa’s comments that the texting teens are engaged in a new kind of togetherness. I don’t think that multi-tasking together makes for very good relationships. Two people can be together even though they sit at opposite ends of the couch, each reading their own book … but they aren’t sitting side-by-side engaging in conversations with other people. That’s just weird … unless you’re at a party and can move in and out of each other’s conversations.

My two cents? Go ahead and be social, but remember to unplug on a regular basis and give your full attention to the people standing right next to you. They’ll appreciate it and you’ll get more from the relationships. Oh – and definitely think about bringing some of those online relationships into your “real” world. I’ve done that with my Savvy Sistahs and we have a great time. :)

Thanks for another great post and a peek inside your head. It’s nice in here. ;)
By Kimmo Linkama, October 15, 2009 @ 12:00 pm

I confess to being old-school in that I really can’t understand a young man and his girlfriend coming to a restaurant together and spending most of their time texting away – probably not to each other. Or if they do, there’s something really wrong with their communication skills :)

I think part of the prevalent “alone in a group” thinking is that people are afraid of revealing their true selves.

I also think many people want it that way. Maybe it’s because in the times we live in, there are such high demands for perfection that they prefer to have a little control over how outsiders see them.

Of course, physical distance also plays a role. Take myself, for example. You all know me only through my blog, tweets, comments, the occasional e-mail – but since I’m physically on the other side of the Atlantic, there’s only a minuscule chance we’ll ever meet each other. So, in theory, I might be fooling you all the way, but then again, we would never have met had SM tools not been available.

Coming back to what we are trying to achieve through our presence in social media, especially for business, this opens up some interesting thought paths. Not least about trust.

A little meandering post, sorry. Just recorded the thoughts that came to mind.
By Mark, October 15, 2009 @ 5:05 pm

@Nitin + @Jamie + @ Kimmo: You’ve given me about a month’s worth of blog ideas here! It’s great to have your contributions in this community. Thank you!
By Steve Dodd, October 16, 2009 @ 8:01 am

In 1996 a futurist named Faith Popcorn wrote a book called Clicking. I’d not picked it up in years, until I read this blog. The book was written at a time when the internet was really just entering the mainstream and the concept of social media had barely been thought of.
The first (of 16) future trends discussed was “Cocooning”. People are comfortable in their own space for all kinds of reasons (security, familiarity etc.). Popcorn predicted that as technology evolved, people would be able to rely on it for most things that previously had to be done “outside their physical comfort zone”. Because of this, they’d not need to venture out of this “physical comfort zone” but would be able to do things they likely never would have been able to do in person (either because of distance or fear).
Fast Forward to 2009 – Cocooning = the Era of Alone.
What bothers me is where is this going to take us as it continues to evolve.
You challenged the term “Social” since there is clearly no social component (in the standard sense of human interaction) in this online world. I wonder that since 80% of our ability to communicate is from physical signals (the true social aspect of communication) if these distant connections will ever really evolve to real relationships and will we ultimately ever be able to truly “trust” them. And, if we can’t, what’s the point?
By Jamie Lee Wallace, October 16, 2009 @ 11:16 am

@Steve Dodd – I read the book “Clicking” when it first came out and still recall many of those “future” trends which are now our reality.

I like the point you bring up about 80% of communication coming from physical signals. I suppose emoticons (which, I’m sorry to say, I often use quite liberally) are our lame attempt to replicate some of those signals.

Perhaps technologies will be developed that will add those non-verbal/text layers to our conversations. Maybe we’ll evolve to a predominantly video-based “social” network. I hope not (I work in my PJs a lot!), but anything is possible.

The other question you raise – about trust – is also very provoking. I read Chris Brogan and trust is obviously a cornerstone of his positioning. I think that it requires more effort over a longer period of time to build trust on the internet. Until you are well-known enough to have thousands of people vouching for you, you need to do a lot of extra work to convince a digital acquaintance that you are who you say you are and not some poser with an ulterior motive. You need to have consistent conversations, pay attention, listen, and respond.

Such great conversations here – thanks, Mark for hosting these parties.
By Steve Dodd, October 16, 2009 @ 11:33 am

Thanks Jamie!! I resoundingly second your thanks to Mark for hosting these “parties”. I’ve learned so much from everyone who participates. Most blogs are very onsided with the post and comments to the post. This one has actually turned into a conversation which is why it has become so enlightening!
By Mark, October 16, 2009 @ 12:44 pm

I’ve not read that book but its sound as though it was quite prescient.

I think “cocooning” is a superb term for what I was trying to get across. Sure, I’ve built amazing online relationships — and I also make a point to strike balance in my life.

But if you’re the type of person who is not predisposed to that balance — cocooning would become your lifestyle. I’m not sure a butterfly would ever emerge, however.

There are vast implications for society. In the past, people would have to develop socialization skills to get by. No longer. What does that mean for the workforce of the future? How we market and connect to those folks? Smart comapnies need to be considering these issues. It’s already happening.
By Lisa Foote, October 16, 2009 @ 12:52 pm

Future blog fodder: How do companies source, choose and manage younger workers who have come of age in this environment? What is the value of old-fashioned officing vs working together virtually? How do we coach better interpersonal skills into a generation glued to mobiles, many of whom are not good at one-on-one IRL interactions?
By Mark, October 16, 2009 @ 3:11 pm

Past blog fodder!! : )

I wrote about this topic in “Managing Generation Zombie” which can be found here:

http://businessesgrow.com/2009/08/10/managing-generation-zombie/

I also featured noted organizational development expert Gil Crosby commenting on this post in his article “Digital natives” will need special care in the workplace:

http://businessesgrow.com/2009/08/11/digital-natives-will-need-special-care-in-the-workplace/
By Jayme Soulati, October 23, 2009 @ 1:51 pm

Late to the party, again. The fear here is the inability to develop basic communication skills by Gen Y, Gen Z to lead their future. Am seeing it now.

Solution as Jamie says (whoa, an email just arrived from her!), is to remove the temptation. Turn off the ‘berry during dinners or keep it on silent put away. Resist the urge for rudeness and seek one another’s eyes to communicate.
@Soulati
By Jamie Lee Wallace, October 23, 2009 @ 2:09 pm

@Jayme – the “J-mes are in the house!” ;) As the mother of a nearly 6-yr old daughter who enjoys the electronic gadgets of our day, I appreciate your call to action about helping Gen Z develop those basic communication skills. Kids (and sometimes parents) get so wrapped up in learning technical skills that they forget about the core of what makes us human.
Great points.
Happy Friday, everyone!