Goodbye, Kim Kardashian

This is a picture of Kim Kardashain with somebody who is not me.

Kim Kardashian and I have finally broken up.

It probably won’t make the tabloids. We’re keeping it quiet. But it’s OVER!

If you don’t know Kim, she is a lovely, self-described “Armenian Princess,” self-help diva, and reality TV star.

When I first started on Twitter, I had no idea what I was doing, so I followed the first person Twitter suggested: Kim Kardashian. I had never heard of her, which was part of the adventure.

Soon, I entered her world of fashion, Hollywood glamour, and famous friends, 140 characters at a time. I was smitten, enthralled, and I hung on her every word! Things moved quickly, and I guess you could say we were an item.

But then it all started to go wrong. The relationship seemed one-sided, especially since she never followed me back. Call me crazy, but Kim — come on! If we’re going to make this work, shouldn’t you at least let me have a say in the relationship once in a while???

If that weren’t bad enough, her whining began. It took SO LONG to get her nails done. Her work-outs were SO TOUGH. Her new dress DID NOT SPARKLE enough. I could hardly stand the incessant “me, me, me.” It was always all about HER. Of course it was. She never followed me back.

Then, the final straw. She started tweeting about her (GASP) “boyfriend.” Kim, what did I do to deserve this? You were … my first. My Little Twitter Queen, my lean, mean Armenian machine. I followed, and followed and followed. For what? To be dumped for a rich, handsome actor half my age? Well, those are good points. Still, I have my pride.

I un-followed Kim today . She probably didn’t even notice as she gets ready for another fabulous day sunning her abs in Malibu. Still, I will always remember you Kimmy — my first, my only, my sweet Twitter-pie.

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