20 of the all-time best Twitter bios

best twitter bios

Twitter biographies might be the ultimate creative-writing challenge. You have 160 characters to spin your personal story!  Here are 20 of the best Twitter bios that caught my eye and stole my heart. Enjoy!

A mum and a wife with a really cool day job…

I apologize in advance.

Recommended by 4 out of 5 people that recommend things.

Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with, and then the different branches of arithmetic — Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.


Naturally and artificially flavored


Just some chick bitching about her effed up life and stuff…

B Squared Media Jobs



I was born. When I was 11 I got my first computer. Then I started writing funny tweets. That’s still what I am doing. The end.


I am a sample size of one, not statistically significant, nor representative.


Smart ass blogging mom. It’s all about me, really.


An ounce of perception – a pound of obscure.


I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks.


I love my husband, my dogs, all things marketing, three-day weekends, high-heels, reading, running, knitting, sushi, wine, long walks on the beach…wait, what?


I am an actor and a writer and I co-created SoulPancake and my son, Walter.


Spreading smiles like they’re herpes


My life was changed by a train.


Nothing more than a man who cared enough to try


I’m the illegitimate love-child of Strategy and Creativity. Now neither parent admits to having me…


It only ends once. Anything that happens before that is just progress.

Bald. Unreliable. Easily distracte


The only person on Twitter who doesn’t claim to be a social media guru.

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101 Responses

  1. CarpData says:

    co-created my son – too funny!

  2. freelancerant says:

    Nice ones… makes me think it’s time to update my bio!

    My all time favorite bio is @[expletive]mydadsays:

    “I’m 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down [expletive] that he says”

    Not a whole lot of tweets but gems when they come

  3. jacobvar says:

    one of my faves Tim Sidell, @badbanana -Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.

  4. MadsBloggingMom says:

    Blushing! And here I thought no one read my stuff! Yeah! And I didn’t even have to pay you off!

  5. Elyse_D says:

    Ha! These are great. Makes my Bio seem boring in comparison, but it does its job.

  6. markwschaefer says:

    @MadsBloggingMom No, you do have to pay me off. You mean you didn’t get the bill? I put you on the installment plan : )

  7. markwschaefer says:

    @jacobvar OK definitely on the next list!

  8. markwschaefer says:

    @Elyse_D They challenge us don’t they? : ) Thanks Elyse!

  9. 3HatsComm says:

    Yes, my bio is tres lame in comparison. That description matters. I will follow/follow back someone on Twitter at least in part if they have a clever or at least human, friendly seeming bio. Wish I could remember some good ones .. I like @unsuckit.. “unsucking your douchey jargon.” I know there are plenty of others, will drop back and add them when I can. Now off to check out some of these folks. Thanks.

  10. markwschaefer says:

    @3HatsComm Well mine is lame by comparsion too, but maybe that is my brand image! Ha!

  11. KRCraft says:

    These are brilliantly creative nad funny. I’m smitten. I’m also flattered to have been included. A certain day maker & smile generator. Enjoying the comments, too. I’ll have to check back often to read more as they flow in.

    I’m frantically scouring my list, as there is one I’d like to recommend. I know what it says, but I can’t recall whose it is.

    Nicely done, Mark! @EzraButler’s is my personal fav. Tickles me to no end.

  12. MikeFraietta says:

    My long-time favorite:

    @ev I started this.

    He changed it though.

  13. maxxhendriks says:

    Hi Mark, thanks for the mention.. I had never thought twice about my bio. Now I feel self conscious. LOL

  14. markwschaefer says:

    @maxxhendriks That’s probably the beauty of it : )

  15. markwschaefer says:

    @MikeFraietta Classic. Too bad he changed it : )

  16. markwschaefer says:

    @KRCraft I’m sure it will be awhile before i can curate another list this good, so you certainly have the time! Thanks!

  17. la_loquita says:

    thanks for sharing :)) great read :))))

    Now feeling the need to redo my bio… *le sigh*


  18. 3HatsComm says:

    @markwschaefer Guess we’re just better at branding for others. But I decided to hide the lameness, or maybe use it to my advantage so behold, my new Twitter bio: “Solo public relations, social media, design pro desperately seeking great wine, dream clients, LSU wins, winning lottery ticket. And of course, world peace.” Whataya think?

  19. AbsoluteBrand says:

    @shavemistress | ShaveMistress by day for ShaveReview.com, semi pro female boxer by night

  20. Marketing_Guy says:

    Cool idea. It does make you reconsider your own bio. It should tie to your personal brand although from some of the descriptions I do not think brand building was top of mind.

  21. Chrisvd says:

    @ifficiency | CEO of i-FFICIENCY, iPad Jedi, Remote lifestyle guru, efficiency wizard, type-a maniac, Tasmanian devil in a button down, pure awesomeness,not Neo, I am iGUY

  22. annhandley says:

    So I forget who has this, but one of my all-time favorites: “Former baby.”

  23. @markwschaefer@jacobvar
    Love @badbanana ‘s tweets ! (Having a bad hair day. Just found out it stole a car and then shot a cashier at the liquor store.)
    @SethMacfarlane ‘s is pretty good: Official Twitter Page of Seth MacFarlane – based on the novel Push by Sapphire

  24. kwatt says:

    @brant’s is from the season five finale of LOST.

  25. markwschaefer says:

    @annhandley Thanks for joining in the fun Ann!

  26. markwschaefer says:

    @Chrisvd Well done. : )

  27. markwschaefer says:

    @la_loquita Oh this made me laugh. Isn’t that from Pepe le Peu? BTW, Did you know that in France, that cartoon character is Italian? : )

  28. thomasbabuj says:

    Mine is , Big Tummy ! Small Brain

  29. markwschaefer says:

    @thomasbabuj Ha! Thanks Thomas!

  30. Yo Mark – these are too funny – honestly, I wouldn’t have followed any of these people/bios! Time to get a sense of humor, geez!!

    Cheers to you ; )

  31. jasonfalls says:

    You forgot my personal favorite … with apologies … @nancyfalls

  32. markwschaefer says:

    @GACConsultants Thanks Mark. Glad you enjoyed them!

  33. markwschaefer says:

    @jasonfalls You made me LOOK IT UP??? OK, It was worth it. Definitely makes the second edition : )

    I’m @JasonFalls’s wife. I am not on Twitter. Go do something useful.

  34. Sally_G says:

    I really enjoyed this! I have no Bios to contribute unfortunately ~ I tend not to read or notice them. I find they mostly reflect who people THINK they are.

    But I’m a sucker for a sense of humour! Thank you Mark …

  35. 3HatsComm says:

    @jasonfalls I’m with Mark, making us WORK for it?! Good one.

  36. dmso says:

    @KRCraft’s is from “Vital Signs” by Rush.

  37. dmso says:

    @KRCraft Your bio is from a Rush lyric? I approve.

  38. markwschaefer says:

    @ladyjuliafish Oh too funny

  39. markwschaefer says:

    @dmso @KRCraft The world would be a little better with more RUSH. Just ask @ikepigott

  40. KRCraft says:

    @markwschaefer @dmso @KRCraft
    Indeed! All the world’s a stage, and we are merely players…

    If you’re a Rush fan, I recommend you read Neil Peart’s books, too. I enjoyed Masked Rider most, which is about his travels by bike through Africa.

  41. dmso says:

    @KRCraft @markwschaefer I have all of Neil’s books. 🙂 Do you read his blog?

  42. newbizblogger says:

    Here’s one:

    @bwoj Husband, father, software engineer, serial entrepreneur, evil genius™, aspiring scruffy-looking nerf-herder, locally optimal genetic solution.

    Followed him back just b/c of his “evil genius”…lol – someone who doesn’t take himself so seriously … gotta love it!

    These twitter bio’s really makes me want to change mine; interjecting fun is always a great idea. 😉

  43. batchoichoi says:

    Nice one.. I enjoy this! Thanks for the post and Happy Holidays..

    <a href=”http://www.friedlandlawcenter.com/”>Friedland Law Center</a>

  44. Jim Mitchem says:

    @oilman’s should be ‘who’ recommend things. unless he’s a writer, and it’s ironic. i dunno – I’m picking.

  45. Casudi says:

    I was soooo pleased when I first wrote my 6 word bio, however after these it seems quite boring.

  46. @Christine_Gibbs says:

    Love the laughs. Thx for posting. @christine_gibbs

  47. Sophienorris says:

    I don’t like dogs. So don’t bother following me.
    Follow me and you’ll realise why i’m too important to write a bio.
    I love music.. and your Dad 😉

  48. Alright I made it over here – better late than never eh? 😉
    I loved @snotforprofit!
    I’m familiar with Queen Rania’s since I follow here and in general – she has a good sense of humor.

    Cheers Mark

  49. Dr. Rae says:

    Cool, very cool Mark!!! “Here’s looking at you, kid.” ; )

  50. Jacob landry says:


    I would love to change the world,but they wouldn’t give me the source code-Some hacker Dude

  51. Niel Zapanta says:

    Nice 🙂 It’s a big help for a dumb like me lol

  52. Hannah Sophie says:

    Mine is .. Lollypop lady, actress, athlete, gardener, spy, doctor, teacher and part-time ninja who likes to think she is funny, is clumsy, unreliable and easily distracte

    Better than these even though they cracked me up so much!:D

  53. How funny And Queen Rania does rock!

  54. This was a great read for a Sunday morning read Mark!

  55. Jamiie_daviis says:

    Jesus you’re my number one, Daniel Tosh you’re my number two.<3

  56. Soccerchicadee3 says:

    heey, so I only have 160 characters so I’ll try to make this short. if you like my tweets feel free to retweet. Anything you want to know just #tweetme. Please #follow.


  57. Terrishaven says:

    Shoot, and I thought mine was creative. @terrishutterbug:twitter  🙂

  58. Isaac Burton says:


  59. hendrey says:

    LOL what *else* would they reflect when we write them ourselves? You have a kind of cutting opinion of other people’s bios, given that you don’t read or notice them. Let’s say you’re right, though. Maybe your auto-bio would say, “clever iconoclast with a keen eye for the truth,” while an onlooker’s bio of you might read, “fun and friendly, w/judgmental streak & low opinion of other ppl’s self-awareness.” Okay, we can do mine. I’ll be “pragmatic geek; loves singing & family; never says no to friends.” But you can call me “snarky nerd w/martyr complex and too much time on hands.”

  60. Dyana says:

    Follow me @Dya_Setiawan thx!!

  61. April says:

    Hahaha! Great post! I love Diana – that’s me!

  62. I thought this one was pretty good:
    hey, i just met you… and this is crazy.. but here’s my Twitter, so FOLLOW baby. 🙂 

  63. Very funny – i know mine is boring – now i know i need to do something about it!

  64. Jarreedd22 says:

    lol i saw this one @Gwall22 Strictly school smart, loses everything, climbing till I hit the top!

  65. Loved this: “I’m real. Just me! …Standing in front of the world, asking you to follow me”

  66. Kee? says:

    Follow me on twitter @_Iamtaylor_d show some love pleasee! & @Brant was the best to me 😀

  67. Taylor says:

    Let me know if you think mine is good. You can check it out at @_TaylorScott_ ..or read it here:”I could tell you about myself, but then myself would have to kill me.”

  68. mike says:

    This guy has books now because of his twitter!

  69. LOL says:

    i like that bio

  70. Sandeep Thakur says:

    Nice Bio, but I think ts good f we have own way for this,

  71. Makoi Majak says:

    @MakoiMajak “I’m a global citizen strictly controlled by right conduct and morally responsible for everything I do!”

  72. Broke Bloke says:

    Great list of Twitter Bio. I think the one (cshirky) was the best. When time permits stop by my twitter profile and let me know what you think. Cheers.

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