20 of the World’s Wittiest Twitter Bios

wittiest twitter bios

I know you LOVE these witty Twitter bios.  Yes, they’re real and they’re fabulous. Here we go!

Let me bitch at you every day until you sort your shit out.

Maybe I should rethink this, when I spelled it Blooging at first.

When I tweet, I tweet to kill.

Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.

Making the Snuggie look good since 2009.

Trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.

Currently starring in my own reality show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girl’s Search for Love and Shoes.

Generally, the path of least resistance appeals. Also, I am superb at parallel parking.

I’m Kail, I was given a girl’s name when I was a baby because my parents are idiots.

B Squared Media Jobs


Former military guy & cop.  Leprechauns freak me out.

Where the hell am I, and how did I get here?

Born at a very young age.

Good Samaritan, washed-up athlete, especially gifted napper.

another papercut survivor

Absolutely awkward, proud nerd & geek, decreaser of world suck

Lover of pork, runner (’cause of all the pork)

99% of the time my brain is thinking blah, meh, why, huh, WTF, food and computers. The other 1% i’m usually asleep.

@grbinder (Greg)
Trying to change the name from Tweeting to Gregging

Marc is a man with a dream. A very simple dream, mostly involving nachos and beer, but a dream nonetheless.

Winner of World’s Best Wife Award (Category: Nagging)

I’m going to reveal the two secrets of my success: One) Don’t reveal everything.


Sometimes you just run into a Twitter bio that is so bad that it’s funny!  Here are some clunkers:
    • Transforming unconscious survival patterns into strategic (authentic) leadership by harmonizing your thinking (IQ), feelings (EQ), communication and actions.
    • Life’s so Fun-tastic. Just Be Alive!!!
    • Good morning.  I behave decently to everyone without any expectation of rewards or punishment after I’m dead.
    • Decoding the million wonderful and inspiring stories within the quirky world of accounting.
    • I’m fabulous. I’m an incredible dresser, I’ve got buckets of money, I’m a hoot and a half and I got a killer rack.

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