20 of the World’s Wittiest Twitter Bios

witty twitter bios

I know you LOVE these witty Twitter bios.  Yes, they’re real and they’re fabulous. Here we go!

@organising
Let me bitch at you every day until you sort your shit out.

@Newtoblogging
Maybe I should rethink this, when I spelled it Blooging at first.

@danecook
When I tweet, I tweet to kill.

@maurastl
Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.

@SALJmum
Making the Snuggie look good since 2009.

@fiona_mca
Trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.

@ankurtz
Currently starring in my own reality show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girl’s Search for Love and Shoes.

@Maya_Abeille
Generally, the path of least resistance appeals. Also, I am superb at parallel parking.

@DudeGurlz
I’m Kail, I was given a girl’s name when I was a baby because my parents are idiots.

@webbrd
Former military guy & cop.  Leprechauns freak me out.

@mdvaldosta
Where the hell am I, and how did I get here?

@bargold
Born at a very young age.

@andrealown
Good Samaritan, washed-up athlete, especially gifted napper.

@gabrielfoley
another papercut survivor

@phampants 
Absolutely awkward, proud nerd & geek, decreaser of world suck

@carlosbenevides
Lover of pork, runner (’cause of all the pork)

@jasondill
99% of the time my brain is thinking blah, meh, why, huh, WTF, food and computers. The other 1% i’m usually asleep.

@grbinder (Greg)
Trying to change the name from Tweeting to Gregging

@marcmack
Marc is a man with a dream. A very simple dream, mostly involving nachos and beer, but a dream nonetheless.

@oldfox004
Winner of World’s Best Wife Award (Category: Nagging)

@pathfinderpat
I’m going to reveal the two secrets of my success: One) Don’t reveal everything.

BONUS CONTENT!
Sometimes you just run into a Twitter bio that is so bad that it’s funny!  Here are some clunkers:
    • Transforming unconscious survival patterns into strategic (authentic) leadership by harmonizing your thinking (IQ), feelings (EQ), communication and actions.
    • Life’s so Fun-tastic. Just Be Alive!!!
    • Good morning.  I behave decently to everyone without any expectation of rewards or punishment after I’m dead.
    • Decoding the million wonderful and inspiring stories within the quirky world of accounting.
    • I’m fabulous. I’m an incredible dresser, I’ve got buckets of money, I’m a hoot and a half and I got a killer rack.

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