Two years ago I began collecting entertaining Twitter bios. Clearly, I have too much time on my hands. But I’m constantly amazed at the amount of creativity you can fit into 160 characters … and I think when you read these, you’ll agree! Here are some of my recent favorites:
@crazyadventures
Married to the luckiest man alive. Uh, I mean, *I’m* the lucky one {cough} We have eleventy-billion kids. I wife. I mom. I run. I write.
@SamberLea
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I am joking.
@WillemTait
We are building an empire and I have better hair than Donald Trump. He doesn’t know us from a bar of soap, but will once we develop Tait Towers
@JandTonic
When I’m not seeking therapy for my Xenuphobia (extreme fear of Tom Cruise) I’m curating the world’s most amazing David Hasselhoff fan site.
@markralphs
Analog at birth, digital by design.
@Pink_Pachyderm
Author, Self Help Satirist, Poet, Comedian, Playwright, Amateur Penis Model. I’m like an astronaut that’s missing my tronaut. Occasionally NSFW.
@gucky
I am a life form evolved to live off movies, comics, video games, junk food, and snark. Sadly, I will never be a Ghostbuster when I grow up. I am very gucky.
@daplusk
I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook.
@colleenobrien
My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
@MickeyETC
Wearing the entrepreneur hat this week and starting a new business. great plan of attack but no product yet. a dream told me to find the product in a dream
@TomHanks
I’m that actor in some of the movies you liked and some you didn’t. Sometimes I’m in pretty good shape, other times I’m not. Hey, you gotta live, you know?
@TripGoing
Any combination of my first and last names you can think of, I’ve probably heard.
@AmyWestergren
I’m a Texan with lots of opinions and pretty hair.
@cubanalaf
My Indian Princess name is Too Many Stilettos. Love Pack football, food & fashion. I wish people had a brightness setting.
@SianAMurphy
A Caffeine based life-form
@jennathinks
I’m real and I hope some of my followers are too.
@suupergforce
A force to be reckoned with, I reckon
@zangaroo
In search of sleep, sanity, & The Shire
@donfperkins
Buoyant, waggish, efficacious, indefatigable, demiurgic, convivial marketing companion, self-made thousandaire
@SandyBoynton
Trying to Think of a Motto Since 1973. Cartoonist, children’s author, songwriter, kazooist, and … oh well, out of words now.
@nickvatrerott
If you’re reading this, then I’m already too late. Humanity has reached its final days. Please spend all that time tweeting.
If you loved these bios, you would probably also enjoy the previous editions of this series:
20 of the all-time funniest Twitter bios (part 2!)
20 of the all-time best Twitter bios
20 of the world’s most clever Twitter bios
Illustration: I just made that up.
