As I am writing this, I am two weeks into a coronavirus infection.
I am feeling a little better in some ways, although the enemy keeps throwing new surprises at me every day. There seems to be a new battery of symptoms every day.
One of the frustrating aspects of this disease is the incredible weakness and fatigue I am feeling. I’m a high-energy person and I’m usually up and at it every day by 6 a.m. Sleeping 11 hours a day is way off course for me and I am so weak that it is an effort to walk for 10 minutes.
Somehow this combination of symptoms is also scrambling my brain. During this period I’ve had a hard time focusing long enough to concentrate on anything. I have not been able to read anything for a sustained period, let alone write anything. Note: after I wrote this article, research started to emerge about probable neurological impacts of the virus.
So my goal for this week was to begin re-engaging my brain by WRITING SOMETHING MEANINGFUL.
And this is the theme that keeps coming into my head right now: It’s not your fault.
Help and benefits
During this period of illness, my wife (who has already fully recovered from the virus) has been scrambling to find whatever government benefits might be available to our family. My speaking/consulting/workshop business has dried up, I’m too sick to do anything at all right now, and we still have bills to pay. We’re digging into the savings like many families around the world.
Although I’m not taking any drugs to combat the disease — there are none — somehow my brain still feels like a foggy morning. It’s hard for me to follow what she’s doing so I am just nodding my head in agreement.
Even through my foggy existence, I have a gnawing pride deep inside that resists help from the government or anybody else. I’ve been continuously employed since I was 14 years old and have never had a hand-out from anybody.
But I’ve had to adopt an attitude of resignation through my sickness and realize that I can’t overthink this right now. I just need to survive day to day and accept what needs to happen.
I need to accept this uncomfortable new reality because this was not my fault.
Guilt and stress
I’m guessing that a lot of people are feeling guilt and stress right now. Perhaps they’re even feeling inadequate and overwhelmed by:
- financial pressures
- relationship pressures
- entertaining the kids pressures
- having enough food pressures
Perhaps you just don’t feel up to the task and you’re wearing down from the daily grind. Maybe this little phrase will help you, too.
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
No amount of planning or saving or preparation could have had you ready for this. This is unprecedented. We are literally creating history.
So, I’m trying to forgive myself in this situation, accept my place in this virus-created reality, and adjust to the new normal of:
- Community support over self-reliance
- Humble acceptance over proud self-determination
- Patient adjustment day-by-day over confident long-term planning
Life is so hard right now but these challenges are not your fault. Take in the new normal and set yourself free.
I hope this helps and I hope my attempt at fog-free writing was meaningful! Time will tell, I suppose.
Illustration courtesy Unsplash.com